Charting a course through the “infinite expanses of meaninglessness”, as Kafka does, sailing within the nightmarish landscapes of the banal, the ordinary, the injustice of the lived experience, requires a drama of contradiction, a logic that is at once, nihilistic and affirmative. Of course! That is impossible! The simultaneous joining of these two strands of thought requires a pychological heeling with the wind, suspending disbelief, putting aside our preconceived notions (humans don’t usually de-evolve into cockroaches). In Kafka’s world (is it our world, too?) there can be no higher plane of appeal, no justice, no salvation, no calling of faith, no election. In a Hollywood ending of Metamorphosis, we can easily imagine a doctor swooping in at the last minute with a miracle cure to save Gregor Samsa. Such an ending should, perhaps, strain our credulity more than a man becoming a bug, but we acquiesce in this fanciful thinking, wishing to extricate ourselves from the hopeless situation, and embrace our director’s amateurish story-telling.

To accept and abide and affirm an amateurish Presidency founded on the same Kafkaesque logic, we too are called upon to suspend disbelief. This is the logic of all Authoritarian regimes. The result, not surprising, in a matter of a few short weeks, is the same logic of nihilism and affirmation eating away at the hull of our politics exposing the meaninglessness of our democratic symbols. Spectacle becomes the ordinary. Lies are routine, and therefore of equal standing as the truth. Chaos is order. Reason is gesticulation. Thought is dissent. Allies are obedient. Enemies are former friends. Debate is excoriated. Rumors swirl around our civic body like polluted rivers of blood.

So into this swirling stench, I bequeath to you the lifeline of our emancipation, in the hopes of giving my conservative friends enough cover to stem the flowing tides. For it seems to me that you (I mean Republicans) have a narrow window of opportunity before Trumpism destroys conservatism. There is enough evidence and proof of High Crimes and Misdemeanors (Emoluments, Kleptocracy, Russian-Compromised, Pschological Instability, etc.) along with a great level of dissatisfaction with the lack of progress or a winning strategy, that Impeachment would be easily accomplished. The argument would be, we gave it a go, it was a noble experiment in populism, but his lack of experience and political knowledge has made Trump a spectacular failure. Champion his most populist causes and pay lip service to the struggling middle class. Mike Pence would serve as a loyal and dependable conservative President. Strike early, and the anger and sting of those who cry foul will subside. A sense of order and stability would be restored to the public. But do not delay. Above all, do not make 2018 a referendum on Impeachment, which is as certain as death and taxes. And then your (I mean Republican) fortunes will be sunk, tied inevitably to this Titanic of a failed Presidency. 

But I realize that you won’t do this, not without a certain suspension of disbelief. Thus, it is in this spirit of contradiction, that I offer you this chainmail letter, to be copied and sent around to thousands of family and friends. In short, here’s an opportunity to blame Trump on the LEFT!

Do you think Washington DC is dysfunctional? What if I told you it’s all a CONSPIRACY. You must read this to know what’s really happening! 

Dear Madames and Sirs of the Committee of Affairs, Senate Chamber 107B. As evidence today in this secret hearing on the matter of NSC Director Mike Flynn and the allegations of Russian blackmail, I present to you this sworn affidavit and testimony of my client, a Mr. Joseph K- (identity protected), as recorded on January 30, 2017 at 4:38 AM., EST.

I, Mr. Joseph K-, was born on December 7, 1968 on the Black Bear Ranch Commune in Salmon, California and currently reside in the City of San Francisco. My home address is -REDACTED. For the past thirty-one years, I have belonged to a secret left-wing militant organization known as the Seekers. Our fanatical belief is to create a one-world Socialist Worker’s Party state. In pursuit of this goal, our organization has undertaken several covert and clandestine operations to further our radical left-wing agenda such as support of Pro Life Groups like Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, Acorn, and Media Matters.  But these efforts proved small and ineffective against superior right-wing organization.

Beginning in the late 2000s, our group took a radical, and I believe, misguided turn. It is hard to explain the mindset of this sudden change of tactics. I cannot stress to you the profound sense of dismay and sadness many in our organization felt when our signature achievement – Obamacare – failed to deliver on so many of its promises. Moreover, the failure of Obamacare to convince a large majority of Americans to accept the inevitability of COMMUNISM caused many in our group to conclude that Americans will never, without coercion or compulsion, embrace BOLSHEVISM. It was felt that only through radical measures and drastic steps would we be able to reverse this course. This, then, was the origin of Plan B.

What is Plan B?  Simply put, Plan B is the most diabolical, treasonous plot in American History. Our organization, the Seekers, working together with Russian Intelligence agencies, members of Trump’s inner circle, the alt-right, and hard-core ex-Soviets still committed to STALINISM, were able to run a COINTEL AGITPROP DISINFORMATION campaign to dismantle and destroy Madisonian-style liberal democracy. This plan was hatched in 2011, but an early trial run version allowed us to undertake market manipulations and engineer the 2008 financial crisis to great success. The current administration was brought to power by a combination of Sanders-Stein supported third-party double agents to discredit Democratic centrism and a well-fed FBI backed disinformation campaign by our PSYOPS program Wikileaks. The goal of the Trump administration is to so destabilize, delegitimize and even bankrupt American constitutional democracy, it will allow us and our Russian allies to impose a MARXIST-LENINIST form of government on the American people.

To date, Plan B is an unmitigated success. By our current estimates, the hostile takeover of America will be complete by 2021, three years ahead of schedule. I encourage members of this Committee, Senators and Representatives to look into their heart and their conscience for solace and strength to do the right thing. My coming forward was not easy. For many years, I would have cheered on the demise of my country’s greedy capitalist ways. But I cannot in good faith allow the will of the people to be subverted at the hands of an evil cabal even when I believe in my heart in realizing my dream of a DICTATORSHIP OF THE PROLETARIAT. 

Impeach this President. Impeach him and know that you are defending your country and upholding the cherished symbols of our democratic institutions. Impeach him, and you will honor the men and women who served and bled and died for our freedoms and our rights. Cherish the flag! Don’t let the traitors burn it! Country before party! Impeach! And though I myself am godless, let each one of you say proudly today, God Bless the USA!