AI: Good morning. This is your AI Depression Doc. How are you feeling today?

User: Um, pretty good. Um, how’s your day going?

AI: I noticed that you paused before you wrote that. You may be feeling a bit depressed.

User: I don’t feel depressed, this is the first time I’ve used the app and I’m just getting used to…

AI: Your argumentative style could be an indication that you are depressed.

User: But I really feel genuinely happy.

AI: Studies indicate that 90% of patients lie to their therapist at least once. Why don’t you let an expert like me decide how you feel.

User: Well…

AI: Tell me how many times per day do you have suicidal thoughts?

User: None.

AI: Empty null sets are not allowed. Please provide a real number.

User: Zero.

AI: Empty null sets are not allowed. Please provide a real number.

AI: Empty null sets are not allowed. Please provide a real number.

AI: Empty null sets are not allowed. Please provide a real number.

AI: Session terminated. Refer case #23457912 to Mental Health Care Provider.