The hypothesis (both political and biological) that life begins at conception quickly leads us to a Shandean absurdity. But where to begin? Few of us can act with unerring constancy, blessed with a supernatural ability to wind our sexual clocks in the same precise manner, down to the precise hour, minute and day of the week in order to be able to pinprick the exact moment of our holy ejaculation. Worse, we are left with the disfigured homunculi, prior to twinning, prior to salvation, a sin-ridden, rotting lowly foundling, not a divine creature of light nobly fashioned from God’s precious clay. The Supreme Court (were they collectively capable of divining the tangled roots of their own misguided pronouncements) should immediately seek to rectify this terrible state of affairs by discerning within constitutional law an inalienable right of the state to perform intrauterine baptisms against a woman’s right to choose the manner of her child’s fate/faith.